Noobs United
by RedDragonCrafter
Summary: A pair of noobs, one reckless and one chicken, have just joined a factions server for the first time and are enjoying it more than deadbushes! See how the pair hilariously cope with monsters, the evil Lava Bucket and various other foes they've never seen before in their entire nooby lives! This is a collection of short chapters based on a true story. Please review and give ideas!
1. The First Base

"Greensters, my friend… this has to be the absolute DUMBEST idea you've ever dragged me into." "Hang on, Red. I thought that was when I thought we were in creative and jumped off that huge bridge! Holy cow, that was funny!" "Yes, Greenlets, it was. The fact that we lost all our diamonds, that was most definitely not!" A pair of players stood looking at the faction base that one of them had erected.

More like a misplaced pile of dirt with the odd oak plank.

"We're meant to survive zombies, walking cucumbers, skellies and overgrown tarantulas in this? Plus there's players trying to raid us as well! People will think we're noobs and an easy target!" Greenlets raised one blocky dragon eyebrow. "In case you didn't know, we are noobs." Red really couldn't argue with that; on the last server she'd been on, she rage quit 'cause she couldn't figure out how to craft a pickaxe. Greenlets couldn't stop reminding her about it. "Ok. We're gonna do it. But, on a few conditions. One, we don't act like noobs. Two, if we're raided and get killed it's your fault. Three, if our base blows up or something stupid like that I get to build the next one. Ok?"

As you can probably tell, Greenlets was a bit 'Up-and-at-em', a bit ruthless and not to mention enthusiastic. Red had the power of foreseeing the consequences for her actions.

The pair got on like a house on fire.

Oh, and did I mention they only got Minecraft a week before they joined the Factions server?

They'd been best friends since they were three years old, but the one who played as Greenlets moved away when they were eight years old. They'd still kept in touch, though, but then one day Greenlets discovered Minecraft.

To put things simply, their lives would never be the same again.

Ever.

Especially now that 'Red Dragon' faction had been created. Red looked at the lopsided junk pile of a 'base' and sighed. Was Greenlets' faction going to be as good as she made out? Things weren't looking promising at the time. Especially the dirt mound that they would be gathering supplies and stuff in. She rolled her blocky eyes and reluctantly walked inside where Greenlets was waiting. "Hey, Redster! You decided to come in after all!" Red tutted and set about making a crafting table – was it a 3x3 square or a 2x2? She found out soon enough, satisfied, and began to see what kind of starter kit they'd been given.

To a professional gamer it wouldn't have been much – but to the pair of noobs it was a treasure trove! They had each received:

One boat, a stack of wood, a stack of stone, 32 coal, full iron Protection I armour, a Sharpness I iron sword, an Efficiency I iron pickaxe, axe and shovel, a stack of cookies, 32 porkchops, a crafting table, a furnace, 8 ender pearls and two chests.

Noob heaven.

"We can't really sleep tonight, right? We don't have beds and there's a guy with a sword running around. If he's not in bed we can't be, right?" Greenlets pointed out merrily. Red leapt to her feet and scanned around outside the window. Nobody in sight. "Green… Can you stop pulling jokes like that?!" She was interrupted by a jet-black player with glowing red eyes rushing through the gap left for a door. On his chest was an image of a bucket full of lava. "Hey, what're you do -"Red began, but a flash of white on red caught her attention. TNT.

Her next – and last – thought was that she'd had all the air punched out of her lungs. Her body was thrown outwards and the pressure of the blast shredded her into pieces.

'You Died!'

"Fantastic. Great idea, a completely unlit, obvious and ugly base. Why, Greenlets, why!? We lost our stuff and everything. Why?!" Greenlets smiled. "We join a faction that someone else made. Simple!" "Why do I have a bad feeling about this…?" Red sighed through a facepalm. "Don't worry! The worst that can happen is we end up with Lava Bucket and his clan of Bucket Heads!" That was Greenlets' new nickname for the guy who exploded our shelter. "I guess we can give it a shot, then…" Red reluctantly agreed. And with that the unlikely pair set off to find a faction willing to take a bunch of completely unprepared noobs.

A/N: So here we are. The noobs made a dirt base and it blows up when Lava Bucket strikes. But who is Lava Bucket really? Which faction is he a part of? And what faction will our nooby crew end up in? Find out next time, maybe in a few days, maybe next week. Who cares, as soon as I get round to it really. J


	2. The Hidden World of Complete Idiocy

_"Hello, we are looking for a faction willing to take in two complete noobs with no PvP experience and zero supplies. Anyone willing?"_ Red was asking around, advertising on billboards and stuff. Nobody needed a noob to mess up for them, let alone a pair of them! "Green, I don't know _what_ you were thinking when you said we could join one. You're the only one of us who's done PvP and that didn't go well at all, while I'm too chicken to go out at night! You're reckless, I'm a big wuss, and we're both noobs. Yes, I said it, we're noobs! _Queens of noobiness!_" Greenlets looked pleased for a minute, then her blocky face fell. "I see the problems with that now… But hey! Why don't we just have a bit of fun instead? I could show you the fun world of, as you call it, recklessness!"

Red sighed through a facepalm. "Ok! Let's follow your lead.** BUT**! One, if we die more than five times we stop. Two! If you screw up, for example we find diamonds and then get blown up by Lava Bucket, we also stop! And, if we lose _ANY_ more valuable stuff it's** YOUR FAULT.**" "Yesss! Let's go leap off a cliff in the mesa!"

And with that the Noobs' Adventure in the Hidden World of Idiocy began.

8:45am Minecraft Time

"Are you _DOUBLE_ sure you've sold enough dirt for that falling potion thing? I'm feeling very bad about this…" "Nope! No money whatsoever! I spent it on deadbushes!" Another facepalm. "They're such cool blocks, aren't they? They can only place on sand… and look, no leaves!" Red pushed her hand further into her face. "Anyway. Cliff Diving time! Let's go!" And with that the complete noobs ran, jumped and aimed for the river ahead.

However they didn't know how to sprint and the two were crushed in the fall to the red sand far below.

**'You Died!'**

_10:24am Minecraft Time_

"Red, come on! Let's go to the PvP arena with our stone swords!" "Stone…?" "Yeah! Stone! It's better than wood and it's stronger too!" "Yet again… I'm not feeling too good…" "Meh, you're never feeling good unless we're cowering underground buried at bedrock level!" Red blushed slightly and shook it off. "Fiiine… Coming…" So the two players punched the sign that teleported to the PvP arena, Red doing so somewhat nervously.

"Let the games begin!" yelled the server op as the red wool above the arena switched to green by means of pistons. But being noobs they stood there, stone swords limp in their blocky hands, wondering how it did that. "Magic?" "No, some telekinesis shuffled them!" While the two noobs gazed in wonder a player in diamond armour crept up behind them, raised his blue sword… and struck them a few times each. He stood over their dead bodies and took off his armour – a picture of a lava bucket was emblazoned across his chest.

And as for Red and Greenlets…

**'You Died!'**

Naturally.

_11:57am Minecraft Time_

OK, so the noobs had died twice in a row and Greenlets was ready to try something else crazy. "Let's go hunting for monsters!" "Green… It's daytime!" "Then let's go caving!" When safely out of the warzone Red split up with her ruthless best friend to look for a cave. "Found a good one! Look!" Red pointed gleefully at none other than a RAVINE, rather smug about her find. "Yeah! Lets's go look for monsters!" Greenlets whooped. Being noobs they had no idea about shift…

Greenlets walked around the edge looking for a way down, while Red wandered down the other way. Eventually the two met on the other side of the ravine, grumbling. "There's no way in! And look at all the cucumbers looking at us from down there! We could kill them for food!" "I don't know if those are actual cucumbers, Green…" Neither noticed the pistons, or the dirt placed directly on the blocks behind the pair! With a bit of redstone wire and one lever later, Lava Bucket was ready. He sure did like killing noobs! He flicked the lever casually and waited.

_**'SHUNT!'**_ The pistons pushed suddenly forward, pushing the dirt blocks into Red and Greenlets' backs. In an instant they fell down, down so fast their legs buckled and broke as they hit the rock floor. "Well, that's how to get down… Look! The cucumbers!" About five creepers were closing in on all sides silently.

**'HISSSSSSSssssssssssssssssss…'**

**'KABOOM!'**

**'You Died!'**

_01:12pm Minecraft Time_

"Let's build a statue of Lava Bucket! And plaster it with signs saying what an idiot he is!"  
>Red stared at her in disbelief.<br>"NO! Why the _HECK_ would we do that? We'd be at war! We're noobs! First we jump off a cliff! Then Lava Bucket slays us in the arena! And finally somehow we've been pushed off a cliff into a mob of exploding cucumber thingies! Why would we get that great idiot angry?" "But you said five deaths- " "_WHO CARES!? WE'D DIE AGAIN!_" Greenlets hung her cubic head. "Let's build another base, then. You can build."

So the nooby friends ran off into the nooby sun, leaving a trail of noobiness behind them as they finally realised how to sprint.

_A/N: But they couldn't jump and sprint. Being noobs they didn't realise it was faster. :P_


End file.
